I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
