I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
