At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
