I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also, beer. Big fan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
