What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He has the fingertips of a God
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