I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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