Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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