last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
