i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
