im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
