She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you would pick up someone in the library
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She bit a glass in half.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
