I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
