Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
