just tell him i said nine months
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
His nipple licking is glorious
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