Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
