He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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