Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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