evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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