that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
