whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
