I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
