This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
