my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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