I'm eating all of the evidence.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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