When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize