Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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