I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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