We're facebook friends in real life
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
