I cut my penus on the lid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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