He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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