South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
