Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
