tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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