i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
