We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
