honey bunches of taint.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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