the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
