She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
