I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
