I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
