They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
