1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
