You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize