How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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