please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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