Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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