what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
