you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
