Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
