i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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