Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
