I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
