fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
