I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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