dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
