Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
