I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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