we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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