all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
