My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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