Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
