He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
