I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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