He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
