Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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