I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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