I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
