I'm laying in your front yard are you home
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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