I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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