Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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