whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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