Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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