we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone signed my nipple.
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