I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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