Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
