she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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