i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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